So, in my recent apartment search, I have encountered some pretty damning yet hilarious responses when it comes to phoning and visiting apartment buildings.

I’m still not sure how much of the following was hard-sell and how much was just plain stupidity…

#1
Me: Hi, do you take small dogs? I have a 15 lb shitzu.
Apartment manager: No but we have three sparkling pools and central air. Would you like to come in for a tour?
Me: Um, no that’s OK, thanks anyway.

#2
Me: Hi, do you take small dogs? I have a 15 lb shitzu.
Apartment manager: No, but we accept cats.
Me: But I just told you I have a dog.
Apartment manager: But cats are so much smarter. You really should get a cat.

#3
Me: Hi, do you take small dogs? I have a 15 lb shitzu.
Apartment manager: No, but we have washer/dryer hookups that I know you have been looking for.
Me: Yes, I have, but obviously its more important that you take dogs than having washer/dryer hookups.
Apartment manager: Well, you aren’t going to find everything on your checklist at every apartment. You are going to have to make some compromises.
Me: Well, my living, breathing, dog far outweighs having to lug my laundry down three flights of stairs at midnight.
Apartment manager: Well, its good you have priorities.

#4
Me: Hi, do you take small dogs? I have a 15 lb shitzu.
Apartment manager: No, but we take cats.
Me: Well, I just told you I have a dog.
Apartment manager: Ahhh, you should get a cat instead.
Me: Not that it is any of your business, but I am allergic to cats.
Apartment manager: Well, they have all of those over the counter allergy medicines now.
Me: But that doesn’t solve the problem that I already have a dog.
Apartment manager: Oh, right.

#5
Me: Hi, do you take small dogs? I have a 15 lb shitzu.
Apartment manager: Let me get back to you on that one; I need to check if that breed is on our restricted-breed list.
Me: What is your list based on?
Apartment manager: Size, and whether it is a breed that is known to attack.
Me: What is the largest dog allowed?
Apartment manager: They have to be under 35 pounds
Me: I just told you my dog was 15 pounds
Apartment manager: Right, but I don’t know if it is an attack dog, so I will get back to you on that one.
Me: Sounds good, take your time; wouldn’t want my big ferocious shitzu to attack anybody.

#6 (in-person visit)
Apartment manager: I am sorry we don’t take dogs but if you ever want to get rid of your dog, I am certain this would be the perfect apartment home for you.

#7
Me: Hi, I was double checking that you take small dogs as your online ad says that you do.
Apartment manager: No we don’t take dogs.
Me: Oh, well you might want to change your ad then.
Apartment manager: Well, we get more traffic coming in when we say we take dogs.

#8
Me: Hi do you take small dogs? I have a 15 lb shitzu.
Apartment manager: No, but we have a state of the art fitness center.
Me: But I have a dog.
Apartment manager: Can’t you give it to a family member or something?
Me: Oh, my gosh, what is wrong with you people. My dog is part of my family. Why would I give it up for three sparkling pools, central air, washer/dryer hookups, and a state of the art fitness center?
Apartment manager: No need to get emotional ma’am. I was just trying to help.

#9 (in-person visit)
Apartment manager: I’m sorry, we don’t take dogs.
Me: But we have been sitting here for an hour with our dog — why didn’t you mention that before?
Apartment manager: Oh, I thought it was a cat.
Me: Do you take cats?
Apartment manager: No.